Another important issue is talking about the details of the affair. It is natural for the betrayed spouse to want to know the details. It is also natural to hesitate to ask for those details, because hearing about it might make us feel even worse. So, should the spouses talk about the affair?
Many marriage specialists are of the opinion that they should, claiming that couples that “talk about it” have more chances to successfully rebuild their relationship and the trust between them. There’s much truth in that. But in reality, we are all different. While some might be strong enough to hear the bitter details, others need some more time to heal. Dr. Frank Gunzburg, a well-known marriage specialist, believes that it won’t do any good trying to speed up the process of healing by forcing the details of the affair from your spouse and ignoring your resentment. The unfaithful spouse might find it difficult to speak about it too, by the way, fearing the reaction, and not wanting to give the betrayed spouse another chance to make him/her feel guilty again.
It doesn’t mean that the couple should act as if nothing happened. Both may agree not to talk about it for the moment until both are ready. Take your time, and when you feel you’re ready, try to talk about it and see how it goes. And you don’t have to talk about everything right now. You can discuss a bit now, and a bit more later. It is a big thing to digest.