Let’s sum this up. The most crucial factor in successfully rebuilding marriage after an affair is actually the same factor that enables couples to maintain a stable relationship in ordinary circumstances: both should want this to happen and be ready to work for it. Each has a right to decide that he or she is not interested to make this effort, but once both decide they want to give themselves once more chance despite all that had happened, it is a mutual responsibility to do whatever they can to help each other heal, and to create a warm, satisfying relationship that will make both of you think twice before endangering it in any way in the future.
As I mentioned in the beginning of the article, it will take more than a few books to cover this issue. If you feel like you need a step-by-step guidance, Dr. Gunzburg’s 3-phase system is a good place to start.