After apologizing to each other, both should concentrate on the task of rebuilding their relationship, and not dwell on the mistakes of the past. Once you decided to give the relationship one more chance, both spouses should take responsibility for the task and make every effort to rebuild the marriage. Trying to make the unfaithful spouse feel guilty won’t help your marriage. Guilt will turn to resentment and resentment will turn to anger. The best thing both can do is to ignore the past as much as possible, and focus on what you can do to repair the damage.
So the first and crucial step a couple should take is to lay down the weapons. The second step for both spouses is to “compensate” each other by meeting each other’s unmet emotional or physical needs that may have given the unfaithful spouse an excuse to have an affair. Of course, nothing can really compensate for infidelity. But it’s much more logical to forgive your spouse after he or she makes an effort to rebuild your marriage.
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